Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29
One of my main struggles with having fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome is not having the energy to do what I want to do. I’m not talking about the frivolous things – I’m talking about everyday life things. After 16 years, I still find this hard to accept. I have a house to run and kids to take care of. I can’t do what I need to do to be the wife and mother that I WANT to be! This is the job that God has called me to and I am so frustrated that I can’t complete tasks to my personal satisfaction.
It is a constant battle in my head. Why can’t I follow my organized schedule? Why is it so hard for me to do mundane tasks? Why can’t I get it all done? Because I DON’T HAVE THE ENERGY AND I’M IN PAIN- that’s why!!! Most days I roll with it, but some days are just maddening and extremely frustrating. I want to do my job well and I often have to settle for mediocre, sometimes poor. (This is especially true of bathtubs and kitchen floors!!!) It’s enough to drive a perfectionist crazy! 🙂
God didn’t call me to be a PERFECT wife and mother. If I was, would there be a reason to depend on Him? Chronic illness can be a blessing in that way. I am limited. Actually, we all are, chronic illness or not, but when the limitations stare me in the face everyday, I find there is more clarity in the choices I make. Choosing to invest time into what really matters versus holding a high standard of perfection for myself.
I can sometimes be stubborn, controlling and want to do it my way. God has taught me that when I have a sense of control over things, I then want to take the credit. It can lead to a smug, self satisfaction. In those situations, God gets cut out of the picture. It is my everyday obvious limitations that prompt me to surrender to His plan. I am not forced to surrender, I am simply reminded to. Fighting against it just causes more frustration and ultimately bitterness. A hard, yet valuable lesson to learn.
There are thoughts inside my head that say, you should be able to get it all done, you’re not good enough. If you didn’t have chronic illness, you could have it all. Those thoughts are paralyzing lies. They prevent me from resting in the Lord, from trusting in Him and His plan. It is when I fight these battles in my mind, that verses like Matthew 11:28-29 bring great comfort. God calls us to come to Him with all our burdensome thoughts, desires, habits, doubts, and fears. He WANTS us to come to Him and surrender these burdens to Him. To know Him, to love Him, to trust in Him! I encourage you today, for whatever burden you carry, for whatever reason you need rest in your soul, call upon our Lord. He promises to give you rest today.
Anyone else have struggles with chronic illness and caring for the home and family? And the frustrations that come along with it? Share with us!